He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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