I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
