we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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