Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
