I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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