he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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