I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize