Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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