"it" just moved
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
