omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Small penises have feelings too.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
