New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
