i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
