My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Still dying that you shit outside
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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