My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
