i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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