I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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