I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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