Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
