:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
