Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
