You just made me feel so damn special
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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