This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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