Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
