i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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