Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Hippo gnu deer
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
