Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
