I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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