This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
