Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Randomize
