I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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