I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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