If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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