Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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