this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
