i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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