yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Randomize
