sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
