honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
