so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
