she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
