It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
