At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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