There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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