He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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