btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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