we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
