i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
