at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
