You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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