i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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