i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
