I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
