Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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