I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Randomize
