Yo dont text me then not text me
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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