I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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