I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize