The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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