Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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