if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
