Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize