guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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