This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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