it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
