At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
