Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
