all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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