dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Floor bacon is actually really good
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
