3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize