There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
